How Beats My Heart?

How beats my heart, until this night is over?

My child struggles in the portal of his dawn while nature and time fight against him.

I have yet to meet him and my heart aches at what must not be.

As time and pressure bring forth diamonds and gems,

I wait for them to bring my son.


As angels roar and demons quake,

I stand on the edge of time and yell through the heavens and beyond the fiery dust of our beginnings and demand what is mine and hers to be ours and then. 

Three times gone and here at last,

a life coveted and desired and hoped for in dreams and waking and plans and.

Our hearts beat in our bedroom chamber when love joined flesh and might.

And now mine beats in my chest and head and hands…

as his echoes between these walls…strong and solid and fading and gone…

and back.


Fast hands and quick and yawning door, her pulse rips live in mine,

From flesh comes flesh and beating blood, I yell and scream;

In tears and raging life comes dawn in pulse and pounding show.

In crushing force and ragged breath

Tiny ribs and lungs and arms and hands

Grasping wildly at light and cold and what.


And now beats my heart, and hers, in his.


10 responses

  1. byronhj

    Wonderfully passionate description of a breath taking and intensely beautiful part of life. Thank you for putting it into words, Fantastic!

    January 12, 2010 at 9:55 am

    • seekraz

      Thank you, kind Sir…and you are welcome…always. 🙂

      January 12, 2010 at 3:32 pm

  2. me

    absolutely beautiful!

    January 12, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    • seekraz

      Thank you, Lori Kim.

      January 12, 2010 at 5:55 pm

  3. Kudo’s man. Well written. Vivid..

    January 12, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    • seekraz

      Thank you, Jason.

      January 12, 2010 at 10:40 pm

  4. Nathan

    Dad, the right words are beyond us right now. I can’t formulate a coherent thought to express our gratitude for this. We’ve been trying to relive this experience and have been unable to fully do so until now. For the first time since those eleven minutes, we can be at peace and move forward with the innumerable positive and joyful memories yet to be discovered. You’ve given us a gift unlike anything we could have ever dreamed of, and it means so much to us. We can’t wait for you to hold your baby grandson and look into his eyes. Thank you, and we love you from the depths of our soul.

    Nut & Krista

    January 13, 2010 at 11:09 pm

    • seekraz

      You are most welcome, Nathan…and Krista…and you did quite well with your thoughts and expression finding the right words. 🙂 I’m glad peace has found you, at last…relish in it.

      And I can’t wait to hold the little guy either…it will be wonderful.

      Thank you for your love…you have mine, as well.

      January 14, 2010 at 6:32 am

  5. Nathan

    Thank you for being such a wonderful grandpa and loving our Sweet Baby Chase 🙂

    January 14, 2010 at 9:28 am

    • seekraz

      You are very welcome. 🙂

      January 14, 2010 at 2:33 pm

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